Sometimes You Just Gotta Say “What the F*ck”

In 1983, many of us midlifers, watched Risky Business and witnessed Miles (Curtis Armstrong) nudge his friend Joel (Tom Cruise) to live life and escape the tightly controlled life he was living:

“You wanna know something? Every now and then, say, ‘What the fuck.’ ‘What the fuck’ gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.”

This quote should be on a t-shirt! Can someone make that happen and give me a cut of it?! You can apply this quote to SO MANY aspects of life (career, relationships, health, etc.). Yes if utilized in the wrong context could produce some sticky situations. Not only do I see a need for this in my clients but also in myself. This past weekend I was truly carefree and light. Yes, I was doing usual chores and to-do’s, but I didn’t have that self-induced dark cloud floating behind me peering over my shoulder. The dark cloud that sounds like:

·         You need to gather photos of loved ones for that frameless photo wall you’ve been wanting to do for 5 years. You bought the “frameless frames”, what are you waiting for?

·         When are you going to make your honeymoon photo book? Your anniversary is coming up so you should get on that as that would be a cute gift? What else should you get?

·         You need to get a larger pot for the Fig Leaf plant upstairs and repot it.

·         You need to get gifts for my sister’s 60th birthday, Reilly’s college graduation, Lucas’ high school graduation and how many weddings are this summer?

This inner voice is with us all, neurodivergents it can be louder and more demanding as we are constantly masking to hide or suppress our natural behaviors to fit in, avoid judgment, or meet social expectations.

I feel midlife can also add a lovely layer on our energy draws with frequent calls from our parents when their cell phones aren’t receiving emails anymore, their printers aren’t printing, they can’t log into Netflix anymore oh and the gutters need cleaned out too. Our careers also tend to be at a level in the chain that carries more responsibility, executive function with larger decisions and actions. Our kids, who WE raised, albeit are bringing their own fresh outlook into the world but may need more reassurance and guidance than us latchkey kids of the 70’s needed at the same age. Oh, and then add physical ailments as we age and depending on our activity level and health may or may not have impact………..(*cough, cough*)…….the 2nd puberty of menopause and all of the massive joys that brings us. Fellas too see a drop in their hormones as well, so we are all doing our best day to day to appear as a functioning adult in our crazy society.

I know it is hard especially for those of us who have that internal wiring to check all of the boxes as if that is a measurement of our worth but let’s remember we are not robots who mindlessly check boxes, there is a whole world out there waiting to be experienced. You can do this by yourself or with or in proximity to others who are also doing their best.

Here is some science behind having fun and relaxing to help nudge you:

1. Fun Activates the Brain’s Reward System

Activities that bring joy release dopamine, a neurotransmitter tied to motivation, attention, and pleasure.

2. Relaxation Reduces Cortisol (Stress Hormone)

Chronic stress increases cortisol, which can impair memory, concentration, and immune function.

Relaxation techniques like deep breathing, laughter, or leisure activities lower cortisol, helping restore memory, concentration, immune function, and emotional balance.

3. Laughter Improves Social Bonding and Brain Health

Laughter boosts endorphins (feel-good chemicals), promotes connection, and even increases pain tolerance.

Social laughter also activates areas of the brain linked to trust and emotional regulation.

4. Relaxation Enhances Sleep Quality

Engaging in enjoyable and calming activities during the day improves sleep by helping the nervous system shift out of fight-or-flight mode and into rest-and-digest (parasympathetic mode).

Better sleep = better focus, emotional regulation, and decision-making.

5. Play and Creativity Boost Problem-Solving and Flexibility

When you're relaxed and having fun, your prefrontal cortex (decision-making center) works more effectively.

Fun fosters a growth mindset, curiosity, and out-of-the-box thinking—especially valuable for ADHDers who often excel in innovative problem-solving.

6. Relaxation Increases Heart Rate Variability (HRV)

HRV is a key measure of nervous system health. Higher HRV = better adaptability to stress.

Practices like mindful play, nature walks, or creative hobbies can increase HRV, leading to better emotional resilience.

7. Downtime Supports Memory and Learning

The default mode network (DMN) in your brain activates when you're resting or daydreaming. This network is crucial for processing information, reflecting, and consolidating memories.

So I challenge you to carve out a chunk of time this next week to say “what the f*ck” and not in the “OMG, what is happening in the world today” way but in the “Let it go, it’ll still be there when you are done and no one is going to put neon signs around you saying ‘she is waiting to mow her lawn’” kind of way!

Ideas for your “What the f*ck” or you could also use a variation “F*ck this” or “F*ck no”……whichever one speaks to you:

·         Eat at a new restaurant.

·         Start an asynchronous audio message group chat with friends; no pressure to respond to each message, just short messages staying connected.

·         Look at local events in your area and attend a fun event like live music, art show, air show.

·         Color in a coloring book.

·         Give yourself the time to relax and read that book you’ve been wanting to read.

·         Take a different route on your walk.

·         Do a different exercise class than you usually do or sign up for one if you’re like me and don’t belong to a gym.

·         Look outward in your region and drive to any of the above or stay one night in a fun Airbnb.

·         Go for a bike ride.

·         Have an 80’s movie night.

·         Actually, lay out in the sun like we used to growing up sans baby oil and Sun-In. LOL! (also my dermatologist would kill me if I didn’t remind of sunscreen use). Vitamin D has such important health implications especially for us in the PNW!

·         Have a “bad art” day where you go buy supplies and make some horrendous art but the joy of the colors and creating are what matters, and art is subjective so just go with it!!

How are you going to say “What the f*ck” this week?